AnarchoSlacker

So yeah, I was talking to this guy named Carson at I Shot Fred Mertz, and he told me that he is totally Micheal Dudikoff’s personal assistant.  That is totally cool!  Carson says that he can use his connections with Dudikoff to get me into a real college, like the DeVry Institute, Vassar, or even Burroughs College… in Brooklyn!  He says that if I clean his office and I occasionally put my finger in his mouth, he’ll get Dudikoff to write me a totally bitchin letter of recommendation that tells them how more smarter I am than the other people applying.  This will totally show those fascists at the SAT testing facility that I’m smart n’ shit.  They gave me a combined 260 on my test, just because I didn’t get all the questions right and I spelled my name with a six.  Anybody who got an 1800 or better is a jerk or a crybaby who cheated.  Dude, I don’t know what a regatta is, and I still don’t get what effervescent is.  I thought that was that chick who sings in that band.

The essay portion is total bullshit, because I write good.  I didn’t do so hot, because they can’t handle my sophisticated musings.  In fact, I wrote a brilliant essay on postmodernism’s impact on qualitative analysis of American history.  It was so brilliant because I wrote my essay by tracing my hand and drawing a beak on it, making it a turkey.  I brought my own crayons, because I think outside of their instruction box telling me to limit myself to writing about global warming with a number two pencil.  I totally colored in all of the tail feathers and then I drew a penis.  It totally showed that I have an imaginative and daring view on history.  But I’ll show them… I’ll show them all!

Peace!