Dude, I’m all about Turkish Bidets

So yeah,

I was at this oriental supermarket and I was buying a new stash of pachouli oil and some exotic Japanese Fun-Fun Umbrella Juice and I had to drop a mega-load of dookie.  So I went to the men’s room and there was this toilet that was totally out of star trek ‘n shit. It totally had buttons all over it and it was like pimped out in bright pink with a hello kitty sticker on it, just like my skateboard! So I sat down and dropped the kids off at the pool while facing the tank. Swami Vindaloo says that it is one of the auspicious positions toward enlightenment.  I like it because it makes it harder for me to accidentally pee onto the back of my pants when I’m stoned. I got kinda bored, because I had Colombian food last night, and the taffy apples and beef jerky made me squirt out an awful mess, so I pushed the button that looked like a ‘W’ with a finger going into it. This robot arm totally came out of the bowl and squirted me in the bunghole with warm water. It was totally cool to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy when I felt the seductive moisture caress my tight fanny… It was like the water was exploring my every nook and cranny, reducing me to a mound of oozy pleasure. It’s totally not gay! Fuck You! Shut the fuck up!

Yeah… then I went to leave, and I wanted to know what the other button did, so I pressed it.  The hello kitty toilet sprayed a jet of water right into my junk through my pants.  it was cold and made me uneasy.  It also looked like I totally pissed myself. I walked out of the bathroom, so I could go pick up a new pair of unisex overalls from The Gap (because the people at The Comfort Zone told me to stop trying on the silk-panty-garments because they’re facists).  When I got out there, I ran into my ex girlfriend who violated me with a Pez dispenser.  She was totally there with MacKenzie and they both laughed at my wet private area.  I asked them to please not point, but they did anyway.  I totally started crying and ran out of the store.  I ended up hiding in Dr. Mengele’s Container Emporium and Lid Dispensery until my junk was air-dry.  Fuck you, MacKenzie, Fuck you with something hard and sandpapery!


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