Archive for February, 2011

Man, shit is fucking brutal

So yeah,

I was chillin with my lax bros and we decided that going to a Justin Bieber concert would be chill as fuck.  We decided that we should drink some BroLokos before we went and got our nut on.  I normally drink natties, but tonight was special because Bieber has a sick flow.  We struck out for the concert when I found out my Bro bought the wrong tickets.  Our tickets were for a Minudo concert.  I like to party hardy with Baccardi, but the liquor store only had Cap’n Boatswain’s Smoked Rum.  On the way to the concert, we ran into some more bros and they invited us to a sweet house party.  My lax bros wanted to go to the concert, but I went with the new bros to their house.  As we approached, I could hear the DMB blastin from at least a block away.  When I went in, I finished my Smoked Rum and then started pounding natties.  A little while into it, some guy asked me if I wanted to see his sweet lax spoon, and I said sure.  We went into his room, and told me that he was a bromosexual.  I told him that I was chill with that and he let me smoke his tight nugs.  After that, I got wicked munchies, so I went down to the kitchen.  I told some slam piece to make me a sandwich, but she told me that she was out of bread and ketchup.  She said all she could do was put some Colon Joy bran cereal into a plastic baggy with some mayonnaise.  I told her that it would be dank, so I ate about five bags full.  It made me feel funny and it turned my pee green for a couple of days.  After that I wandered out of the house and things got really hazy after that.  I woke up the next day in the produce section of a Whole Foods.  A clerk was standing over me, hitting me with a broom and shouting in what could either be Chinese or Massachuseten.  Hey, it’s all cool… This is what happens when you party like a rockstar!

Peace!

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Brominated Soybean Oil

So yeah,

I’m still hanging out in New York City, and it’s chill as fuck.  I’m even cooler now that I wear a visor upside down and backwards, and I’m rocking out in my new pair of Sperrys.  I’ve been watching that crazy shit in Egypt unfold and it is totally cool.  I really wish I could be there, because I am such an important celebrity.  I’m even more important than that exec from Gogol.  If I saw him, I would totally say “move over bro, I can walk like an Egyptian!”  What I really want to do is play lax with Mohammad ElBaradei.  My flow is better than his, because he is like totally bald, but we would totally win and we would bump fists every time we score.  Afterward we would pound a case of natties and get dome from some slam piece.  We would totally bump fists when we got dome.  All that would be left is for our slam piece to make us sandwiches, which we would eat while watching Shark Week!  During the commercials, I’d pound my slam piece until the condom broke.  Afterword, I would take her to Walgreens for the Morning After Pill.  I’d in the spot designated for “Expecting Mothers.”  She’d cry and then make me a sandwich.

Peace!

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