Archive for December, 2009

A Favor House Pacific

So yeah,

I’ve been watching a lot of German television lately, because American TV is just not sophisticated enough. Shows like “Don’t Put That Sausage In Your Mouth Mrs. Nederlander”, “The Careless Butcher”, and “Das Ist Jeopardy” stimulate the soul and make my pee-pee tingle. I have to find something to make my pee-pee tingle, because my girlfriend broke up with me… a long time ago. She totally said she was pregnant and she made buy her all sorts of things like a new toilet seat and baby einstein videos. The new toilet seat was to replace the one she tore off and beat me with on several occasions. She said that she had to hit me, because she loved me so much, and I do things to bother her sometimes. I think I might have brain damage, but it’s really cool to see all the pretty swirleys when I stand up and sit down.

Where was I… oh yeah, she totally said she was pregnant, but I found out later that she was just getting chunky from all the Tofruitty she was eating. She made the whole thing up, so I got mad and left her. I told her I was devastated, and she said that she wouldn’t make me egg salad any more and that I will burn in hell for pleasuring myself with her curling iron. So I told her to collate her own goddamn screenplay. I took all of my stuff and moved into the squat and now I’m here watching deviant German programming. It’s a lot like Joanie Loves Chachi, but only if Chachi surprised Joanie with the body of a homeless man he had dressed as a clown. All I can say is that I’m getting bored with masturbating vigorously to Ferngully, and I’m looking forward to seeing Avatar. I’ll write a review of it if my forearm isn’t too sore.

Peace!

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